
THE OFFICIAL OLIVER HIBERT ART OWNERSHIP AGREEMENT
(You Did Not Agree to This, Yet Here You Are)
NOTICE:
By scanning the QR code, you have automatically entered into a binding agreement with the Department of Unseen Agreements, the Bureau of Questionable Ownership, and possibly a shadowy third party that has yet to be identified.
From this moment forward, you are subject to the following Terms, Conditions, Restrictions, Warnings, Paradoxes, and General Anomalies.
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SECTION 1: OWNERSHIP ACKNOWLEDGMENT & DENIAL
1.1. You are now the temporary steward of an Officially Unofficial Oliver Hibert Original Artifact.
1.2. However, ownership is an illusion. The artwork belongs to itself. You are simply its designated witness.
1.3. If at any point the artwork disappears, reappears, or subtly shifts in appearance, this is normal.
1.4. Do not attempt to return the artwork. It knows its way back if it chooses to.
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SECTION 2: LIABILITY & UNEXPLAINED CONSEQUENCES
2.1. Oliver Hibert is not responsible for any of the following potential side effects:
• Mild existential confusion.
• Sudden realization that you have always owned this artwork, even before you purchased it.
• Unexplained whispers after midnight.
• The feeling that something is watching you, but in an artistically tasteful way.
• Increased appreciation for colors that don’t exist yet.
2.2. If you experience prolonged dizziness, time dilation, or spontaneous levitation, please consult your nearest alchemist, sorcerer, or local city clerk.
2.3. If the artwork refuses to be photographed, this is not a defect. It simply does not wish to be perceived in such a crude manner.
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SECTION 3: RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
3.1. You are now legally obligated to:
• Look at the artwork occasionally. It gets lonely.
• Avoid discussing its origins in public. The less people know, the better.
• Keep it away from mirrors for extended periods. We don’t know why. Just don’t.
3.2. You must never, under any circumstances:
• Challenge the artwork to a staring contest. It always wins.
• Refer to it as “just a painting.” It finds that offensive.
• Place it within 3 feet of a doorway between 3:33 AM and 3:34 AM. We cannot explain what happens if you do, and we don’t want to find out.
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SECTION 4: THE CLAUSES THAT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS
4.1. The Recursive Ownership Clause: If you ever sell this artwork, you will still own it in some way. It is legally impossible to be fully free of it.
4.2. The Unspoken Agreement: By reading this document, you have agreed to something. We cannot clarify what.
4.3. The Temporal Loophole Clause: If you attempt to destroy or alter the artwork, you will find that it has always been in its original state.
4.4. The Observer Effect Disclaimer: If you feel as though the artwork is subtly changing over time, congratulations! You are paying attention.
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SECTION 5: CONTRACT ENFORCEMENT & PENALTIES
5.1. If you fail to comply with the above conditions, the following (entirely non-enforceable, yet mysteriously inevitable) penalties may occur:
• You may begin seeing the artwork in places it should not be.
• The artwork may refuse to be ignored.
• A completely unrelated painting in a museum may start staring back at you.
• You may receive letters postmarked from places that do not exist.
5.2. If at any point you regret scanning the QR code, please follow the proper procedure:
• Step 1: Close your eyes.
• Step 2: Take a deep breath.
• Step 3: Accept your fate.
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SECTION 6: FINAL NOTICE & ESCAPE CLAUSE (JUST KIDDING, THERE IS NONE)
6.1. This contract is legally binding in dimensions that have yet to be discovered.
6.2. Should you wish to dispute any of these terms, please submit an Invisible Form to the Department of Unanswered Inquiries.
6.3. If you are reading this in a dream, do not wake up yet.
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CONCLUSION & FINAL WARNING
By proceeding with your life as normal, you are acknowledging, accepting, and simultaneously denying the existence of this contract.
This webpage will not self-destruct, but your memory of it might.
Oh, and keep all original artworks away and out of direct sunlight.
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[BEGIN CLASSIFIED TRANSMISSION]
ACCESS CODE: ███-███-▲▲▲-██████
UNAUTHORIZED ENTRY DETECTED
RECALIBRATING…
…LOADING…
VERIFICATION SEQUENCE INITIATED:
☐ OBJECT CONFIRMED
☐ OBSERVER CONFIRMED
☐ LOCATION ERROR – PLEASE STAND BY
DECODING MESSAGE FRAGMENT 47-B:
“The mirror has fractured, but the reflection remains. The witness is unaware. Continue protocol.”
SYSTEM RESPONSE [ERROR CODE 77X-VOID]:
☐ TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED
☐ MESSAGE CORRUPTED
☐ CONTINUE AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED
FINAL AUTHORIZATION HASH:
∆7XQ//A9-███-H⟆98//REDACTED
ADDITIONAL FILE DETECTED: [CANNOT BE OPENED]
LAST KNOWN COORDINATES: UNKNOWN
TIME DISPLACEMENT STATUS: UNRESOLVED
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